Elizabeth Fry: Marriage and Children

I am loving the biography I'm reading on Elizabeth Fry, it's quite a page-turner and I've been trying to sneak in a few pages here and there to learn more about this amazing lady! Something I appreciate about the book is its willingness not to make her out to be perfect. She was often criticised for the bad behaviour of her children (who had the reputation of being brats) and she was seen to be at fault due to all her busy-ness outside the home (quite a modern problem, although the number of children: 10, not quite so).

I really appreciate how Fry took her children with her to visit the poor and to the women's prisons. This inspires me as the children and I go visiting together. It's such a privilege to have a family ministry:

Other memories were created during those happy days. The children often accompanied their mother on her trips to the village visiting the poor. Each child was encouraged to bring something to give to the children. Afterwards Elizabeth would ask each of her children to explain why they had picked that gift for the particular recipient. About half a mile from Plashet there was a colony of Irish and visiting Irish Row was a particular favourite. The wit and warmth and happy-go-lucky atmosphere where the pigs and chickens actually shared the house helped visitors ignore the dirt and poverty. And the Fry children loved going there. ‘Oh Mother, do let’s go to Irish Row!"

In a letter to her daughters (who were away staying with relatives):

I mean that you shall have a certain department to fill in the house 

among the children and the poor, as well as your own studies and enjoyments; 

I think there was not often a brighter opening for two girls…

And I shall be glad to have the day come 

when I can introduce you into prisons and hospitals.’

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A constant theme of her life was the tension between having her hands full at home with all those responsibilities and all the work she could see needed to be done outside the home (the problem was made worse by a difficult financial situation):

The weather was so harsh and the soup being made for them in her barn was not as thick as in former, more affluent years. She was horrified to see one woman pour out some soup to share with her pigs. Perhaps she misinterpreted this because even valuable pigs have to be fed. She no longer had an unlimited store of warm blankets and things to give away. Her thoughts returned to the poor creatures in Newgate whom she had helped the previous winter. But her hands were tied now in all directions. There was so much to do, yet she could not do it. Domestic duties and financial limitations hampered her on every side.

This made me smile/cringe:

Her 34th birthday drew near. ‘Thus my time slips away.’

There are many extracts throughout the book taken from Fry's personal diaries:

June 28th [1817], I am alone at home with my nine children, a great and very precious charge; at times they appear too much for me, at others I greatly enjoy them; I desire that the anxiety for their welfare and to have them in order, should not prevent my enjoying thankfully the blessing of being surrounded by so sweet a flock.

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There are many references to her marriage in her diaries. This one reveals the mutual support there was between her and her husband when her 4 year old daughter Betsy died:

Try as she might to come to terms with the loss, Elizabeth was heartbroken. Every morning there was a fresh stab of human agony: ‘… to awake and find my much and so tenderly beloved little girl so totally fled from my view…’ 

Her greatest comfort was Joseph. 

‘My much-loved husband and I have drunk this cup together, in close sympathy and unity of feeling. It has at times been very bitter to us both… but we have in measure been each other’s joy and helper.’

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I enjoyed reading this description of helping not hindering each other in a marriage relationship:

I felt him a sweet companion,

 and that we may be inabled to go hand in hand 

helping one another and not drawing one another back.

The quiet within was so pleasant, when the storms without were so violent,

 and I enjoyed my beloved husband’s company. 

What earthly pleasure is equal to the enjoyment of real unity with the nearest of all ties, 

husband and children?