Simply Being

Vaneetha Rendell Risner:

Simply being present with our friends has more of a healing effect than we can imagine. I still remember a friend who often stopped by the house after our son, Paul, died. She rarely spoke and mostly sat with me unobtrusively. I loved having her there. I didn’t feel that I had to make any conversation. But at the same time I knew she would listen if I wanted to talk. I didn’t want to be alone, though I would never have verbalized it that way. I simply knew that her presence was a great comfort.

Author Joe Bayly had a similar experience after burying his second son. Bayly says:

I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked to me of God’s dealings, of why it happened, of hope beyond the grave. He talked constantly, he said things I knew were true. I was unmoved, except to wish he’d go away. He finally did.

Another came and sat beside me. He didn’t talk. He didn’t ask leading questions. He just sat beside me for an hour or more, listened when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, left.

I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see him go.

I understand Bayly’s first friend. He wanted to make things better. He wanted to do something, and words seemed to be the answer. He thought his words would bring comfort.

I am well familiar with that attitude. When there is something to be done, I want to do it. But when there is nothing else to do, I often flee. It’s less uncomfortable. Less uncomfortable for me, that is.

Neonatal pediatrician Dr. John Wyatt does not flee. In his practice, he has had to make difficult and painful clinical decisions. Sometimes there are no treatments left for his tiny patients; his training and expertise can do no more. It is then that Wyatt simply sits and weeps with the grieving parents. And perhaps that is his greatest service.

He says in his book, Matters of Life and Death,

Suffering in another human being is a call to the rest of us to stand in community. It is a call to be there. Suffering is not a question which demands an answer, it is not a problem which requires a solution, it is a mystery which demands a presence.