Seeing God's Glory

From Vaneetha Rendall Risner's book, The Scars that have Shaped Me:

Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. . . . So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was. ( John 11:1–6)

Every time I read these words, they catch me. How could Jesus love Mary, Martha, and Lazarus and still delay? If he loved them, he could have gone immediately. He didn’t need to let Lazarus die. But that’s what happened.

Jesus’s response reminded me of the ways he was letting me suffer. For months I had been begging God for deliverance. And for months there had been silence—just as with Lazarus. Jesus could have gone to his friend, or simply said the word, and Lazarus would have been healed. But Jesus didn’t do anything.

I started sobbing as I realized this was the crux of my pain. Jesus could fix all of my struggles in an instant. He could heal my body, bring my husband back, and change my children’s hearts. But he wasn’t doing anything. I felt as though he had abandoned me, just as he had Lazarus and his sisters.

The Bible says that Jesus loved his friends, so he delayed. But in my thinking, love rescues. Love runs to help. Love responds. Love doesn’t delay.

I wanted to understand this passage. It made no sense to me. And later in John 11:40, what does Jesus mean when he tells Martha, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?”

God promises to show Moses his glory in Exodus 33, and he makes good on that promise a few verses later, in Exodus 34, by speaking of his own attributes. “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin” (Ex. 34:6–7).

A greater understanding of who God is, what God is like, what he does—that was God’s revealed glory, not a brilliant flash of light or some undefined ecstasy. And Moses’s response to this glory was worship. This is the first time the Bible records Moses’s spontaneous, personal worship. And after that encounter, Moses’s face shone. He had changed. Moses was different.

In my pain, I cried out to God, “I want to see you, and I want to believe that you are for me. I believe, help me to overcome my unbelief. Show me your glory.”

Then I waited. In silence. For a long time.

I pondered what I had prayed and read. As I did, I saw God afresh through the lens of Scripture, and immediately his presence seemed to fill my room. Seeing God’s glory was so simple yet so profound. He is merciful and gracious. Slow to anger. Abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. Those attributes were not just intellectual. They were specifically directed toward me.

God was speaking to me. Just as with Moses, God was revealing who he is. God loved me enough not to rescue me. He knew I needed to see him, to sense his presence, to understand his heart. I needed those things more than I needed rescue. There will always be something new to be rescued from, but this encounter with God will stay with me forever.

Jesus loved Mary, Martha, and Lazarus enough to show them his glory so they could be transformed. He loved them enough to let them suffer so they could experience his comfort. He loved them enough to delay his coming so they could learn to walk by faith. Seeing his glory led Mary to offer her extravagant worship, pouring out expensive perfume on Jesus’s feet. My “seeing” led me to worship, too. Jesus seemed nearer than he had ever been, more tender than I had ever understood, and more glorious than I ever imagined.

We all need more of Jesus. One moment with him changes us just as it changed Mary, Martha, and Moses. The shift from wailing to worship has nothing to do with changing circumstances; it is we who are changed by encountering God, seeing his goodness and power, understanding his character.

This experience led me to worship, it grounded me in ways I cannot explain, and it transformed me forever. Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” ( John 11:40).

And seeing his glory is a far greater gift than rescue.